dating a man with no sex drive is the worst.
I have the most amazing, beautiful, talented people in my life and I am trying so hard to be inspired rather than intimidated by them but it is just so difficult. Getting lost under the shadow of someone else’s success. I used to let relationships like these lift me up and carry me along, I used to have confidence and I used to produce art semi-regularly, to overwhelmingly positive feedback. Lately I’ve been stifled and these people are moving along without me as I fall further and further behind, feeling worse and worse as time goes along. I’m exhausted at the end of my workday, with like.. four hours to myself from the time I get home until the time I get to bed: just enough time to make and eat dinner, shower, and allow a few precious moments of relaxation. I am not okay with this sort of lifestyle.
I am ten days away from my departure on a two-week (give or take) roadtrip down to Texas for our second Austin Psych Fest experience. This is the beginning of my creative renewal. Aaron, David and I have secured press passes to the festival - together we will cover set reviews and mini-interviews (David), digital live music photography and portraiture (Aaron), and analog photography of the musicians and festival atmosphere (this is my role). I’m nervous, as I’ve never really done anything like this. I’ll be bringing along two 35mm cameras: my trusty Pentax K1000 for well-lit, relatively stable subject matter, and a Canon A-1 + fisheye lens for general shooting and more dynamic subjects. I’ve been fooling around at home with a couple medium-format cameras as well: a super old (30s?) folding camera and a 1950’s Teco. Though perhaps the three of us are in a little over our heads, I have no doubt that we’re going to turn out an incredibly rad media package which we intend to shop around to local publications and have printed.
I went through all of my film photos from the last few years and started a separate tumblr to showcase those - take a look here. You will see that I’m not some gifted photographer, and in fact, a good number of the snaps posted were taken on cheap disposables. This is all a learning experience for me, and one that I would be a damn fool to turn down, regardless of the skill I do or do not have in photography.
After Texas I head to Mexico to really reset. Can’t wait to let the heat and the sangria wash over me, forget my obligations, get a killer tan and come home with a fresh new state of mind so I can cut my hours at work in half, start my search for a more suitable job, and get back to producing art. No more letting myself slip away in the name of the almighty dollar. It’s been a rough few months.